What’s the balance? Being firm or not?
At a recent get-together where we brought our 2 little girls, Judith interrupted my conversation with a friend. She wanted my help to get her to break into the group of older kids who were playing tag. They were all primary school age, and were physically about twice her size. As I was deep in conversation, I did not notice her until she kept going ‘mummy….’ several times and rattling off her request.
I reacted quickly by telling her off for interrupting my conversation. But my friend asked me, ‘Why are you so fierce with her?’ Later my friend took it upon herself to bring my girl to the group and get them to play with her. Another friend who saw the whole thing also came up to tell me that sometimes it can be hard for smaller kids to break into a larger group. My reply was that I knew Judith could do it, to which my friend said, ‘well, as long as you know her limits…’
The whole incident made me embarressed because clearly the way I reacted was not what my friends thought I should do. Perhaps it also showed me up in a “bad” light as a mother. I was also bothered that it could leave a scar on my relationship with my daughter.
There are many times when I ask myself if I am being too harsh with my Judith. Of all the children, she is the one I worry about because she can be very reactive. I do not want to end up pushing her to the edge and then it would spoil our relationship for later.
Being a mother is not easy… especially in trying to juggle what’s right or not, what should be done or not… I try to be firm… but it seems that everytime I am, I get told that I am being too firm with my children.
But I question if I am not firm NOW, whether it would also serve to impair their formative years and they end up being spoilt kids who don’t know how to behave…
I guess I don’t have an answer… I suppose if it were an easy question, it would not be such a headache in the first place. I only pray that for all my being firm, my children will understand one day my reasons for being so.
