John&Val's Blog

Today I found a book titled ‘The Power of a praying woman’. Upon reading the first few pages, I realised that this is what I needed in my life… definitely the power of prayers. One thing Stormie Omartian (author of book) said that struck more than one chord for me… that we, women, often find it easier to pray for others than to pray for ourselves. The other thing that was a WOW! for me was the statement that women seem to rely a lot on the men to pray for them and give them the appreciation when we should really just turn to Jesus! Yes, the guys just don’t cut it! But Jesus does!

I guess reflecting on what Stormie said and the hollow feelings I had, I suppose the empty feelings I have in me is a sign that I definitely need the powers of prayer in my life.  I’ll read on and will come back here to share my thoughts…

For now, my prayer is that I will have the strength to complete reading the book…. I think I need to read/see/hear what God has to say to me through Stormie’s writing.

At a recent get-together where we brought our 2 little girls, Judith interrupted my conversation with a friend. She wanted my help to get her to break into the group of older kids who were playing tag. They were all primary school age, and were physically about twice her size. As I was deep in conversation, I did not notice her until she kept going ‘mummy….’ several times and rattling off her request.

I reacted quickly by telling her off for interrupting my conversation. But my friend asked me, ‘Why are you so fierce with her?’ Later my friend took it upon herself to bring my girl to the group and get them to play with her. Another friend who saw the whole thing also came up to tell me that sometimes it can be hard for smaller kids to break into a larger group. My reply was that I knew Judith could do it, to which my friend said, ‘well, as long as you know her limits…’

The whole incident made me embarressed because clearly the way I reacted was not what my friends thought I should do. Perhaps it also showed me up in a “bad” light as a mother. I was also bothered that it could leave a scar on my relationship with my daughter.

There are many times when I ask myself if I am being too harsh with my Judith. Of all the children, she is the one I worry about because she can be very reactive. I do not want to end up pushing her to the edge and then it would spoil our relationship for later.

Being a mother is not easy… especially in trying to juggle what’s right or not, what should be done or not… I try to be firm… but it seems that everytime I am, I get told that I am being too firm with my children.

But I question if I am not firm NOW, whether it would also serve to impair their formative years and they end up being spoilt kids who don’t know how to behave…

I guess I don’t have an answer… I suppose if it were an easy question, it would not be such a headache in the first place. I only pray that for all my being firm, my children will understand one day my reasons for being so.

Today’s our 11th wedding anniversary! We give thanks to God for the many blessings we have received throughout these beautiful years. Through the ups and downs, we have grown closer, and even better best friends than ever!

Still remember the courting days when we first met way back in 1994 in NUS…. the long lunch walks we took from Science Fac through Sheares Hall and over to even Arts Fac to eat.

Well, all those courting days eneded up with ‘I Do’ and we became the sacrament to each other on 10 Oct 1998. Still remember the sermon Father Johnson Fernandez gave us. He told us that a married couple needed to say 12 words often to each other when the occasions demanded them. Oftentimes when they are needed, they go together as a package…

1. I am sorrry

2. I was wrong

3. Please forgive me.

4. I love you.

 So yes, we have had many times when we have had to practice what Father Johnson said. There were also other lessons that we had to “practice’ like making love a decision, being united as one and always communicating with each other. Being a sacrament to each other has made us both even more aware of our Catholic Christian promises to each other today. Here’s praying for continued blessings and guidance for our marrriage to grow.

Man and Wife

Originally uploaded by Val’s creations

12 Sept… this date in 2004 was the day we first met each other.

It is significant that after all these years, we finally managed to trace and contact Jo, the one who first brought us both together.

Our story is a simple one. Jo arranged for both of us to meet as blind dates. She was the one we both knew, but not each other as yet.

I still remember that I was feeling rather nervous and wondered how I would know who this friend of Jo’s was. I had taken care to dress a little better than normal that day, in my blue dress. I remembered the days preceeding the actual date we were supposed to meet and had taken to peeping in the micro labs to see what this ‘technician’ friend of Jo’s looked like.  We had spoken to each other the night before to agree on where we would meet.

Well, that afternoon came, and I stood outside the agreed place. It was a little nerve wreaking ( because I wasn’t sure what to expect) so I stood with my back to the passage way…. then came a gentle poke on the right shoulder, and a voice that said, ‘are you Valerie?’ Turning around, I had my first glimpse of J. Still remembered thinking to myself that ‘wah this one, not too bad looking, eh?’ The other thing that struck me was that he was tall! He was wearing his beige pants and that blue tucked-out shirt.

So what do you do on a blind date? hahaha…. we went to attend a talk at the arts faculty together. It was one of those job recruitment talks by the civil service, and as there were no sitting space in the LT, we ended up standing at the back. Later we adjourned to Burger King at Holland V to have dinner.

It was a nice start, and we had a nice time chatting away. J wasn’t as quiet as I had imagined him to be from Jo’s description. From that date & day, we progressed on to having lunches together, and then atttending mass at church.

When I asked J this morning what did he remember of our courting days, his reply was the time spent in church, esp at St Iggy’s and then later at St Peter’s and Paul’s – where he had his NET training. He also said that ‘it was all part of a plan.’

Guess looking back, I can’t help but agree with J that it was all part of God’s plan for us to meet, grow as friends, and then grow in love with each other. I am still not quite sure when the love part started to wind its way into our lives, but surely and deeply, it did take root in our hearts and has grown over the years.

Looking back at the 15 years we have known each other, first as friends, then as spouses to each other… I can only give thanks to God for the wonders He has worked in our lives. We also give thanks that God had our friend Jo bring us together.

For that Jo, you will always have our gratitude for being our matchmaker.

~ Val

Today’s 9 August 2009.. and in many media channels, we are asked to reflect what is means to be Singaporean… what the Singapore pledge means to us…

In the 1980s when I was still in school, there was not too much fuss about National Day. At most we were made to learn some new Singapore song and had to gather to sing them. Thereafter we got an extended session of recess. National day celebrations at school were not much to go by.

By contrast, today’s schools have put in a lot more stock into drumming up the patriotism spirit into the young. Even in kindergartens! Judy had to dress up in red and white, and the whole kinder was involved in a mini-concert paying tribute to Singapore.

Wearing red & white? … in the 80s, it was school uniform – and ONLY school uniform. No such thing as wearing outside clothes at all. I guess times have really changed.

Looking around, I guess I am fortunate in that I can count friends from different races – and this has, in some ways, helped me understanding the pledge’s “regardless of race, language and religion” sentiment better. Even when young, we had this little clique going – where we had 2 eurasians, 1 indian and 1 chinese (me) who hung out together at the back of our classroom. Today, Jasmine runs her own bar in Hong Kong, Joyce is a stay at home mum, married to a famous DJ and Shanti is in Australia working as a nurse! Me? I’m still here in Singapore. We have become …. international.

To all my friends – happy national day girls!